Those Advice given by A Dad That Saved Us as a New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You must get support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - spending a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."