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When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use fear the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can recover and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”